Things are bad. I don't know what is wrong with me, I just feel so pessimistic and out of it most of the time. I can't hide it anymore. I want to scream, to cry or to hit something. I had the urge to cut myself again. To feel the blade slide smoothly into milky white skin, followed by the sharp stinging pain-- a silent scream--and then the releif. The blood tears running warm down my arm. Falling on the white tiles like rain, taking the pain with it. I aviod looking in the mirror. My empty eyes scare me sometimes. That dead calm as I stand bleeding pain. I step into the shower and watch the blood mix at the bottem of the tub with the water and the purple dye from my hair. One part of me bleeding life the other bleeding death. It's only here that I finally cry.